 I
am polyamorous.
I am polyamorous. This means that I can, and desire to, have
more than one committed long-term relationship at the same time.
Currently I have a life-partner (for 14 years) and a lover (6 years).
Polyamory is not a lack of commitment - in fact it requires more
commitment. It is not a weird sexual thing, nor does it arise from an
inability to form a single relationship. Poly people are simply
able to have more than one relationship, the same way most people can
have more than one friend. Having rejected one rule about
relationships, poly people usually feel free to design relationships
that enable them to be happy - often rejecting preconceptions, external
rules, societal norms or expectations. Some poly relationships are
monogamous, others are not. Some involve a single household,
others may involve multiple households and require a chart to explain
the complex inter-relationships.
You may feel a bit confused as to protocol and labels when meeting a
poly family. I would advise following the "if in doubt,
ask" rule. Asking an honest question is likely to be better
received than making an incorrect assumption. If you're not sure
if you need to include your best friend's boyfriend's wife in a dinner
invitation, or if someone should be called the "husband",
"boyfriend" or "lover", just ask.
There are few absolute rules about nomenclature, but here is how I
use the following terms:
polyamory: Having, or being able to have, more than one
relationship at a time. Does not imply non-monogamy or
open-relationships. For example four people could live together
with an agreement not to have sex with anyone outside the group (group
monogamy) or date anyone outside the group.
open-relationship: A relationship which allows the
individuals in it to also date others, form other relationships, etc.
Another way of saying this is "non-exclusive".
Open-relationships may have rules, for example "dating is ok, but
don't get serious with anyone else". A couple in an
open-relationship may not be polyamorous - that is they may not be
open to any other long-term relationships.
non-monogamous: A relationship which allows sexual freedom
(i.e. sex with other people) but may or may not allow other
relationships or even casual dating.
A good source of information on polyamory is http://www.polyamory.org/*.
(*links marked with an asterisk are to an
external site, and open in a new window) |
